“Let it go, let it go, let it go!”
December 23rd, 2009
After innocently sending an invite to someone I knew long ago in business to join one of my many social networks, I received the most scathing, loathsome, and nasty email ever. It seems, based on his choice language, this person has been holding on to some serious resentment towards me for the last four years. He called me, among other things, “rude”, asked me if I lived on the “planet of nothing happened before today” and then wished me happy holidays, which I thought was nice. However, I don’t think he’ll be joining my social network.
At first I thought his mean response was a joke because it was so loaded and incongruous with my benign email. He responded so quickly and with such a bite it was as if he’d been waiting by his computer for this very day to send that calculated response. Meanwhile, I hadn’t thought about this person at all the last four years. It even took me a moment to remember why he was so angry. Then I recalled that due to his own, mean actions and inability to work with others, he was fired from a project I was overseeing at the time. Therein lies the rub.
Despite the fact that he seemed incapable of taking any personal responsibility for this incident, I decided to respond to his email. I wrote how sorry I was to hear that he’s been harboring such rage and apologized for anything I might have done to contribute to that. I wished him well, signed it with sincerity, and sent it off.
Moments later I received an even more scathing, loathsome and nasty response. That one I deleted immediately and moved on with my evening.
As detached as I felt from this particular situation, it reminded me of a time when I had wasted countless hours resenting my former boss. For two years I fought with him for any reason I could find. If he said up, I said down. If he said yes, I said no. I was relentless.
I fantasized about the “dramatic quit”. You know the one – You purposefully walk into the boss’s office, clear his desk with your forearm and then break out into an Oscar worthy, unabridged soliloquy of everything you’ve ever wanted to say to him, punctuated by the guttural “I quit!” Then you walk out leaving him speechless and enter the lobby where you’re co-workers greet you with the slow, dramatic clap that escalates into a full-blown applause ala every movie in the 80′s. I get weepy just thinking about it.
Then the day came. I took an opportunity to opt out of my contract and in a few weeks I was leaving the company. Ready for my big performance I said to my boss, “Aren’t you happy? We don’t have to work together anymore!” He looked at me quizzically and earnestly said, “What do you mean? I like working with you.”
Wait…WHAT???
Here I’d been squandering valuable time despising him and he wasn’t feeling this way at all! I wondered if this was the way “venomous email man” felt about my response. How disappointing! Yet unlike that outraged man, in this very moment I actually felt a sudden and complete shift. I saw the truth of the situation, owned my anger, let it go, and I was free. I even left that job on good terms with my former boss.
Both of these situations remind me of a quote I once heard by a man named Malachy McCourt. He said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” How true it is.
In the spirit of the holiday season notice what you’re holding on to and consider giving yourself the gift to “let it go, let it go, let it go!” It’s a good one.
Great post!
Who amongst us has not fantasized about a big moment only to tone it back in the last moments when reason kicks in. I always wonder what would happen if….
Thanks for sharing!
Jesse
http://noomii.com