Give Thyself Permission
December 24th, 2009
I can’t stop thinking about this sweat lodge tragedy that took place in October during a workshop given by spiritual teacher, James Arthur Ray. Did you hear about it? Three people died and nineteen others were hospitalized with various injuries after they spent two hours in a small, ill-constructed space heated at 120 degrees. While this incident and Ray is currently under investigation and possible criminal charges are pending the questions remain – how could this have gone so wrong and so far?
Though it’s easy and appropriate to point the finger (whichever one you choose) at Ray, I am fascinated that despite these unbearable conditions very few people left the structure. According to several reports, participants were “strongly encouraged, but not forced” to stay in the sweat lodge for the duration of the exercise. Yet I can’t help but sincerely wonder if there was a point when these participants felt it was in their best interest to get out of that cramped space with overheating, volcanic rock and no air. And if they did have that thought, why didn’t they listen to themselves and leave?
In his book Harmonic Wealth, Ray writes, “Your intuition is the angel on your shoulder… When you start to pay attention to that inner voice… you’ll learn to tell the difference between fear and a stretch that will help you grow, or something to truly stay away from. A good opportunity will feel expansive, exciting, like your brain is lighting up.” I’m sure he meant that figuratively.
It’s worth noting that Ray dabbled in extremes in his own quest for enlightenment. In his book, he says that while on one of his many journeys to the Amazon he asked a shaman for “the big dose” of a psychoactive plant known as the “death vine”, which “gives the seeker the experience of dying and being reborn.”
Ray’s desire for this experience is an important gauge as to how far he’s pushed himself and survived and how far he will – and reportedly did – push his students. The problem arises when people push themselves to the threshold of others instead of knowing, trusting, and responding to their own.
While I am crystal clear I have zero desire to ever ingest a “big dose of death vine”, I was not as clear I would have given myself permission to leave that sweat lodge scene, even if my intuition was telling me to get out.
Hypothetically putting myself in that scenario I asked myself – Would I have entered that alarmingly hot structure even though I can’t bear to be in a sauna at the gym? Would I have followed this leader who was “strongly encouraging” me to stay inside even if I felt in my gut that this was not safe? Would I have allowed myself get to the point of severe sickness or even death? My honest answer was… quite possibly. This awareness was chilling to me.
In that moment I had total empathy for the participants of that event and for myself. I vowed to consciously practice listening more intently to my intuition and to learn to know, trust and respond to “the difference between fear and a stretch that will make me grow”, per Ray. I promised to give myself permission to ALWAYS respond to my intuition accordingly in any given situation, regardless of how it may appear to my ego or others. Period.
What would you have done in this situation? Do you trust yourself and look to yourself first for your answers? Where do you give your power away and deny yourself permission to follow your instinct? What can you give yourself permission to do right now that would be a great example of self-care?
My hope is that this sad and tragic event will provide an opportunity for all of us to look within and see who and how we trust and take personal responsibility and healthy action from there.
Here’s to giving yourself permission and trusting you first!
“The problem arises when people push themselves to the threshold of others instead of knowing, trusting, and responding to their own.”
And that, is the hardest feat of all. Quite possibly, the greatest task in the search for “enlightenment.”