Very Busy

The other day I was on the phone with my friend Mary.  As I passionately paced around my apartment I urgently described to her a new and, if I may say so myself, brilliant idea I had.  In the midst of expounding my creative genius, Mary boldly interrupted me and asked, “Why aren’t you writing this down and making it happen?”  To which, without missing a beat, I responded, “Because, Mary, I am very busy walking in circles!”

I thought to myself, how dare she cut off my grandiose and eloquent speech and urge me to take action!  I was quite happy and very comfortable walking in circles and talking about my idea rather than actually taking the steps forward to bring it to fruition.  But alas, Mary’s question hit a nerve.  I knew I had to delve in and get this going.  But before I did, I asked myself, “What had I been very busy doing that stopped me from moving ahead?”

The answers went something like this:

• I had been very busy procrastinating.
• I had been very busy avoiding failure and/or success.
• I had been very busy keeping myself in fear.

After looking at this list and noticing how much energy it took to focus on procrastinating, avoiding, and fear, I was exhausted!  I decided I wanted and was ready to shift these destructive thoughts and behaviors to productive next steps.

In that moment I got up, walked to my computer, turned the phone off and within two hours I had written down my brilliant, if I may say so myself, idea on paper and sent it to prominent decision-makers who could potentially make this idea a reality.   Instead of feeling exhausted, I felt exhilarated!

What are you very busy doing?  Is it destructive or productive?  Do you feel exhausted or exhilarated?

If you’ve been giving lip service to something you know you’ve been wanting to do, say or even be for a long time, then I am encouraging you to take one, small step forward now.  Tell someone to what action you’re committing and by when so you are holding yourself accountable to another person and getting it done.  Then take another step.

Before you know it those old, busy, destructive behaviors will have morphed into your brilliant, if I may say so myself, ideas that have come to fruition with ease!

To productivity and beyond!

New Year. New Way.

A few weeks ago I walked by this sign to the left.  The bright colors and bold message demanded my attention.  I have to admit that at the time I was  not experiencing anything close to relaxed, nor was I  feeling like “it was all good”, yet I knew this was an invitation to see that everything – like it or not, comfortable or not, joyful or not – was actually “all good”.

When we relax – or pause – we can step back and choose to relate to  and understand that everything in our lives is good because it’s all happening for our highest good.  Challenges  give us perspective, information and help us grow.  That’s good. Triumphs show us our power, potential and give us confidence.  Also good.  And expected or unexpected change gives us the opportunity to reconnect, reassess and respond.  All good.

Today as you welcome in 2011, I invite you to relax instead of rush into this new year.  Take a breath  – or ten.  Be gentle with yourself and let go of any pressure or urgency to meet all of your goals and resolutions instantly.  If you give yourself permission to relax then you can reflect on the abundance of good that already exists in your life.  It is from this place that you have the power to be, create,  and do absolutely anything.

May you relax into this New Year knowing it’s all good!

Finding the “Message” in the “Mess”

I was walking my dog today and came upon this sign.  I immediately knew it was a message and also a metaphor for what’s been present for me over the past few months.

I’d been feeling disconnected from myself.  I had let my morning practice go, I’d not been eating well or sleeping enough and the word exercise had been permanently removed from my vocabulary.  I was focusing on the “mess”, illustrated quite nicely here in the form of graffiti, behind the message.   That was easy.  “So shine” felt too hard.

At 2:00 in the afternoon something in me pushed past my resistance and I began to do my “morning” practice at that hour.  As I was writing in my journal, stating and adamantly claiming all that I was ready for and wanted, including commitment from others personally and professionally, I heard this very faint voice say, “Really?  You want other people to commit to you when you haven’t  been committed to yourself?  How could that possibly work?  You are teaching people how to treat you by the way you treat yourself.  You must first become the thing you want for yourself to yourself.  Then the thing you want will come.”  I knew then it was time to become the commitment I was seeking from others.  But how?

Almost immediately, the Mary Oliver poem came to mind where she says, “To live in this world you must be able to do three things:

1.  To love what is mortal, temporary, and fleeting.
2.  To hold it against your bones as if your life depends on it.
3.  And when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.”

Today I realized that I want to enter into this relationship with myself as if my life depends on it, because the truth is, it does.  I want to let go of focusing on the “mess” and embody the message “So shine” – even when it feels challenging.

So, with you as my witness, I am declaring my willingness to change my ways and get my shine on!  I hereby commit to my total and complete Self-care from the inside out starting right here and right now.  And I know that as I become the commitment to myself I will have that commitment show up in my external world.  And So It Is!

What do you want to have more of in your life?  How committed are you to becoming this first?  Are you ready to join me in getting your shine on as if your life depends on it and focus on the message instead of the “mess”?  If so, I support you 100%.  Keep me posted on your progress.  I want to hear.

To commitment – yours and mine!

So shine!

My 30′s: A Love Letter

Dear 30’s,

It’s the day before my 40th birthday and I was thinking about how I wanted to spend it.  How could I make this day as memorable as possible before I leap into a decade that fills me with a huge amount of excitement and a tiny hint of (hopefully healthy) fear?  And then it hit me… I want to spend the day with you.

Ten years ago when we entered this relationship, I was a splintered person in the midst of a family drama.  I had no idea who I really was.  I had no concept of what it meant to be in a healthy, loving, and committed relationship with myself.  And I did not understand that the power I constantly tried to give away to others was in fact mine to claim and own for me.  Because of you, that has all changed.

I stand before you today with genuine respect and deep gratitude for all that you have provided for me.  You have shown me how to hear, trust, and act upon my inner voice.  You supported my enthusiasm to keep saying, “Yes!” to brilliant opportunities and risks that grew me.  You helped me realize (see with “real eyes”) that love is all around me all the time reflected back to me through my family, friends and community.

After I ignored you repeatedly in the early years of my 30’s, you compassionately presented serious lessons with critical consequences that let me know I was not honoring myself and as a result, you showed me where I needed to give myself the love I was seeking from others.  You made me aware that I have everything I need right here, within me now.  You brought forth the resources that continue to help me be and serve big in the world.  You were relentless in showing me that the Universe is abundant, present, and friendly.  You helped me weed my garden of all the people, thoughts, and things that no longer serve me so that I have room to cultivate that which will serve me.  You were witness to my vowing to be a committed partner to myself.  You unleashed the mama bear inside of me who listens to me, loves me, takes care of me and empathizes with me at levels I have never known.

Because of all of this – because of you – I am a better daughter, sister, friend, partner and coach.  And I am forever appreciative of your patience and safe space that allowed that splintered little girl of 30 to become this integrated woman turning 40.

I feel so lucky to have had these years with you to break down and grow up.  I know there’s so much more to come and you have truly prepared me to launch into this next chapter of my life with a strength of heart, clarity about who I am and what I want, and the knowing I am the love, happiness, and divinity that I seek.  It’s a beautiful thing.

So, 30’s, today I am celebrating YOU.  I am thanking YOU.  I am hugging YOU.  I am blessing YOU.  And from the depths of my heart, I am LOVING YOU!

Truly, madly, deeply,

Stefanie

I Heart Valentine’s Day – Literally

It’s Valentine’s Day.  I’m walking along the streets of New York as people are rushing by me.  Something pulls my attention to the ground and I see this lovely, little, gray heart getting trampled on by the masses.  I’m stunned that no one’s noticing this sweet godwink.

I stop, move to it, and know it’s a sign to see the love that’s all around us all the time.  I heart this little gray heart, perfectly designed with napkins by the universe, reminding us that love is not black or white like the colors of the street upon which it sits, but rather a sweet melding of the two.  A sense of togetherness.  A union.

That universe is very creative.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!  May you know how loved you are…